Thursday, March 4, 2010

I object to Objectives

Objectives.

And not just any old objectives, but S.M.A.R.T. Objectives. (Because, you know, regular old everyday objectives couldn't possibly be good enough). No-o-o-o-o.

What the...?

Apparently it's not enough to just do your job these days (not to mention do it well, or bust your butt doing it, or stress-the-heck-out about getting the crazy amount of work done with less staff -- old story, right? Nothing new to workplaces these days.). No, now you have to have additional, s-t-r-e-t-c-h measures for the extra work that you can do just for kicks. You know, 'cause you don't have anything better to do in days full of meetings, more work than ever before (and, did I mention, less staff to do it), and impossible deadlines.

Suck it up, girlfriend. Or, as my good friend Mo was told by her boss, "Put on your big-girl panties."

Seriously? "Put on your big girl panties." that's what she gets? (How's that for inspiring your troops in battle?) We've got it going on at the corp. Yep, we got it ALL going on alright. Poor Mo.

I made some pithy comment that I would have responded with a "bite me," or "stick it where the sun don't shine" -- but then, Mo is so much nicer than me that you know she just took it in stride.

Yup, that's how they roll. And you know what? In this economy they've got you by the cajones, so you'll pretty much put up with anything as long as you've still got a paycheck coming at the end of the pay period. Which brings me nicely back to objecting to OBJECTIVES.

S =
M = measurable
A =
R =
T =

In all honesty, the only piece of the acronym I remembered was "measurable" so I'm thinking that that acronym isn't all that effective. Eh?

Well, I'd better get thinking. You know, because we only get one day next week to build our OBJECTIVES because that's when our boss will give us hers, and everyone must have theirs "in the system" the next day. And our objectives need to build on hers, which need to build-on-and-flow-up-to-and-add-value-to our bosses' objectives (which flow up to her bosses', which flow up to her bosses', which flow up to his bosses' -- the big corp kahunas).

After all it's only March (which means that a quarter of the year is now just a memory if my calculations are correct) and we were on hold while they figured out what the heck they wanted to accomplish this year -- and then made sure they were S.M.A.R.T. objectives and that they started with an "action" verb.

But never fear, it's not like we were sitting in cubeville just twiddling our thumbs while they were toiling away on their objectives. We were doing, like, WORK, you know? Crazy kids!

Wish me luck -- because my boss just gave me a look that said stop disrupting my meeting when I asked if I could "opt-out" of objectives if I wanted to opt-out of the bonus for next year.

(I thought that was a good plan considering one was based on fulfilling the other)

BTW, because I don't want to leave you hangin':
S = specific
M = measurable
A = achievable
R = realistic
T = time bound

And YES, I did have to google it to find out what the s, a, r, and t stood for.
Sigh.

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